How many cups of coffee do you need to be functional this morning?

I'm off the wagon. And when I fall, I fall hard.

It's not just the regular this time—I'm into the hard stuff, like cappuccino and those Starbucks drinks with the nifty, pseudo-European names (ah, my soul for one sip of sweet, sweet Moccachino!). I would like to blame my current baby-induced insomnia and resulting massive accumulated sleep debt, or my wife's concurrent addiction to Arnold Palmers (half lemonade, half iced-tea) from the new coffee shop down the street, but really these are just lame excuses for my own weakness. And so I'm back to living life by the drop, or more precisely, by the shot of Cafe Estima Blend (fair trade, of course).

So for those of you who, like me, only find their groove after ingesting enough bean-o-genic stimulants to put Whitney Houston in a coma, here is the definitive equation that will help you at least put a cap on your daily consumption.





C= In shots of espresso, the amount of caffeine you consume in an average morning
St= The hours of sleep you got last night (subtract one for every time you woke up in a cold sweat, thinking about the things you need to do today)
Su= The hours of sleep you need to remain civil with telemarketers
K= How many kids do you have? Kids in diapers are worth two; kids over age 18 are worth half
Bt= How busy are you today? (1-15 with 1 being “easy like Sunday morning” and 15 being “presently birthing triplets”)
Bu= How many hours per day do you usually spend in non-recreational activities?
N= Hours of naptime you can squeeze in this afternoon

Cups is the number of cups of coffee you should consume before operating heavy machinery